Tag Archives: roy blunt

I Get Letters

10 Apr

Dear Katie:

Thank you for contacting me about funding for Planned Parenthood.

I am deeply opposed to the practice of abortion and do not support federal funding for any organization that performs or promotes abortions, which includes Planned Parenthood. An unborn child is a living human being and abortion ends the life of that child. Throughout my time in the House I worked hard to protect the lives of the unborn.

In 2004, I led the effort to enact the bipartisan Laci and Conner’s Law, which treats a crime against an unborn child as a separate offense in criminal cases. This law addressed the murder case in California in which Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Conner, were murdered. I am proud to have the highest possible pro-life voting record according to National Right to Life, and, as I begin my time in the Senate, I will continue to support efforts to make adoption more attractive for parents and prohibit the use of taxpayer dollars to pay for abortion.

Again, thank you for contacting me.  I look forward to continuing our conversation on Facebook (www.facebook.com/SenatorBlunt) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/RoyBlunt) about the important issues facing Missouri and the country.  I also encourage you to visit my website (blunt.senate.gov) to learn more about where I stand on the issues and sign-up for my e-newsletter.

Sincere regards,
Roy Blunt
United States Senator

Dear Fuckwit:

You’re welcome. Thank YOU for having staff who have the uncanny ability to respond to my letters and petitions with poorly-written form emails that state the obvious just when I’ve forgotten that I’m righteously angry at your stupid ass, causing me to do the following:

  1. remember that Roy fucking Blunt is my senator and feel the proper dismay and disgust yet again;
  2. think “Jesus CHRIST, the Carnahan campaign was terrible. Did he pay them off?”;
  3. examine whether it was likely that Missouri could have two Democratic women in the Senate anyway,
  4. and say to myself, “Wait. I live in Missouri. What the fuck?”

I also appreciate your unwavering commitment to the principle that women should be forced to bear children against their will, as well as your unwillingness to come to any sort of compromise on this issue even if it costs the health and lives of poor women across this great nation. Some people might say that this sort of inflexibility and devotion to your moral beliefs borders on fanaticism, but that’s ridiculous, as you’re obviously not brown a serious, reasonable, compassionate conservative.

Regarding your effort to enact Laci and Conner’s Law…um, thanks? I’d think that a more effective solution would be to advocate for funding the programs that assist women in leaving abusive relationships and make it possible for them to support themselves economically, but I’m sure that this law will cause many a sick fuck to think once or twice before murdering his pregnant partner. He might even decide to wait to kill her until after the baby is born. Sounds like a win/win to me!

Finally, while Facebook, Twitter, and your newsletter may give the illusion that you actually give a shit about my rights as IF THIS WERE AN ACTUAL DEMOCRACY, I’ve been trying to cut down on the daily reminders that my fellow Lady-Parted Americans (especially the poor ones) and I are considered subhuman by a large portion of our population. Yes, I know, aspiring to have a maximum of ten reminders a day that I am only good for being fucked and incubating babies is probably naively optimistic, but a girl’s gotta start somewhere.

Sincere regards,

Katie/Truculent A. Unreliable
United States Walking Vagina