Okay, not completely. There’s a lot of beautiful scenery here, and we have toilets that flush and everything.
This state has always had its kooky conservatives, but after last year’s election, they have a much louder voice than ever. And they’re using it in really atrocious and embarrassing ways. They have:
1. Passed a bill in the House that would require that driving tests are administered in English only. Because if you don’t speak American, you’re probably too stupid to drive.
2. Introduced a bill to curtail child labor laws. I have already discussed this (and Angry Black Lady totes stole my bit, because you KNOW I was the only one who thought of Oliver Twist), but again, I have to say: SERIOUSLY? What the fuck is this fucking Gilded Age retrofuck bullshit? I cannot imagine that this bill reflects the wishes of most of Jane Cunningham’s constituents. Em.barass.ing.
3. Proposed a constitutional amendment in the Senate which would initiate a “fair tax” that would eliminate corporate income taxes in 2013 and completely eliminate all income taxes by 2018. Sales taxes would be raised and levied on goods/services that aren’t normally taxed, including medical care (because God knows that’s not expensive enough already). It’s not going to pass, but the fact that these fucking idiots are wasting their time and everyone else’s, not to mention TAXPAYER MONEY on useless, insane bullshit like this drives me fucking batty.
4. Pushed for the modification of an anti-puppy mill law that was overwhelmingly approved by Missouri voters. The re-written law would (among other measures) lift the current 50-dog limit and decriminalize violations. According to the sponsor of the bill that proposes the changes, “The way Prop B was when it was passed originally would have destroyed the industry.”
How DARE a majority of voters deprive these patriotic, upstanding citizens’ RIGHTS to make a profit on the backs of living, suffering beings that are supposedly bred to bring us joy and affection! Furthermore, Missouri is the puppy mill capital of the U.S., so if they went Galt, Sally might not get that inbred, parasite-riddled, traumatized cocker spaniel she’s always wanted. Missouri voters, why do you hate our freedoms? And Sally?
5. Passed a bill that bars the state minimum wage from exceeding the national minimum wage despite (YET FUCKING AGAIN) a law passed by Missouri voters in 2005 that tied the minimum wage to the rate of inflation. Don’t forget that a lot of these people are the same people (who were elected by the same people) who threw a hissy about Obama shoving health care reform down our throats. Why the fuck does Missouri even bother with ballot initiatives if greedy, amoral, authoritarian attention whores are just going to overturn them as soon as they get into power? I spent MINUTES signing petitions and filling in bubbles on the ballot that I could have put to much better use, like running my dehumidifier.
Our legislature is packed to the brim with assholes, and just when I think it couldn’t get dumber, they manage to top themselves.* It’d be amusing if I didn’t live here.
*VMR and/or VBDSMR