Tag Archives: ppl r dum

Dear America

22 Jul

If you haven’t been paying attention (and we know you haven’t), I’d like to inform you that your political system is completely, totally fucked.

Shittier Than a Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter

23 Jun

What the fuck:

 Not only have I been consistently pro-life, but I’ve taken the – you know, I’ve not just taken the pledge, I’ve taken the bullets to go out there and fight for this and lead on those issues.

You know what hurts more than metaphorical bullets? ACTUAL FUCKING BULLETS, ASSHOLE.

The day that you are harassed, subject to bomb threats, forced to hire a bodyguard, and live in terror because of your role in the anti-abortion movement is the day you can fucking complain about “bullets”, you pathetic wanker. Until then, I’d advise you to fuck right off.

Well, Then

6 Jun

I HATE  being wrong. Go fuck yourself, Weiner.

It’s not that I’m angry that I believed him; I’m angry that I thought he was actually smart enough not to do something that apocalyptically stupid. It’d be nice to think that someone who is one of the few progressive-ish voices of the Democratic party would possess enough self-control and, like, ethics or something crazy like that not to have “inappropriate communications” (at the very least, because come the fuck on) with hot ladies using his official Twitter account, but I’m not that naive.  But the fact that he’s not canny enough to figure out that sending pictures of his (clothed, at least) junk over fucking yfrog on his public Twitter account in this political climate might be a bad idea is just…fucking sad.

Here’s the video for Monday, because it’s what I’m listening to right this second and it rules so hard:

You Said “Weiner”

1 Jun

The fact that conservatives truly believe that Anthony Weiner actually sent a picture of his penis to someone over his official Twitter account reflects their mindsets perfectly. One has to be a truly powerdrunk, technologically-illiterate  moron to do something like that. And, as we all know, “powerdrunk, technologically-illiterate moron” is just a fancy-ass, big city term for “conservative.”

COMPLETELY UNRELATED UPDATE: I am obsessed.

Furthermore

27 May

it’s freaking badminton. Nothing’s going to make anyone watch that shit unless it includes live sex acts.

I both dread and happily anticipate the kind of Google hits *that’s* going to bring…

Never Sleep. Remember to Breathe Deep

23 May

Yeah, I know, Mountain Goats blah blah blah but this is currently my favorite song.  Holy fuck, it’s good.

Also, I’d like to warn my beloved bloggy friends that if I see any comments about red staters being dumb and voting against their interests with regards to this, there will be murders.  My mother’s co-worker lost her husband a couple of weeks ago in a tornado that touched down near her home in Tennessee.  My hometown was hit by a tornado about 11 years ago, and a lot of people lost their homes and businesses. I grew up about 60 miles west of Joplin and I’ve been there a countless number of times (they’re about 4 times bigger and they had a mall!).

Yes, there are plenty of people concentrated in red states who vote against their own interests and believe really horrible things, but there are also plenty of people who don’t, and who fight against hate and retrofuck attitudes. I’m sure that quite a few victims of this latest tornado believe(d) in anthropogenic global warming. I know (believe me, I KNOW) that it’s fucking frustrating as HELL to see a small minority fuck shit up, but USAians in general are a small minority who have benefited most from fossil fuels and will probably suffer the fewest consequences.

/lecture mode

On the upside, my mother tells me that she’s heard several people who would normally be all “ALGORE is FAT” have made comments about how this weather isn’t normal and maybe there’s something to this whole global warming thing. Maybe the weather these past 6-7 months will change people’s minds before it’s too late.

Is Malkin Stealing from Alkon Next?

19 Apr

Ann Coulter totes ripped off The Donalde.

He probably doesn’t have a basis for a lawsuit, though, unless the book contains obsessive screeds about Tintin. Or some sort of reference to Bigfoot and the State of Israel.

(God, that will NEVER get old).

I Didn’t Know There Were TWO Parts!

14 Apr

Or three? I suppose that speech could be a whole fucking movie in and of itself. It would be boring, but that’s not particularly different from the way I imagine the rest of the movie(s) will be.

Anyway, who wants to get completely fucked up and see this movie with me? I’ll sneak in the candy if you bring the whiskey.

UPDATE: Oh, snap. It isn’t even playing here. I am NOT driving to St. Louis.

More Fun with Search Terms!

11 Apr

Apparently someone found my blog today via the search phrase “women who fuck for money”.

Look, I could easily charge if I wanted, but I don’t, because I’m just that nice. I’m like the Mother Theresa of sex.

UPDATED TO ADD A COMPLETELY UNRELATED SLICE OF LIFE: I just heard my neighbor say that she had forgotten that she has a ten-page paper due in the next four weeks and she’s really nervous because there’s no way she can get it done.

Okay. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been an undergrad, and I remember that most of the basic courses I took (not counting the ones that I took for my major, which was in English) required at least couple of 8-10 or at least 6-8 page papers a semester. Fucking…how the fuck is she even getting through school? How’d she get through high school, for that matter?

Parody: I Don’t Think That Word Means What You Think it Means

9 Apr

 

Okay, I know this isn’t the worst bit, but…THESE PEOPLE HAVE A FUCKING COFFEE KIOSK IN THEIR CHURCH??? Can you, like, get a white chocolate triple mocha and take it in with you to service? Do they have guys walking up and down the pews selling hot dogs?

Jesus. It’s like Poe’s Law in video form.