Tag Archives: movies

I Give Up

18 Apr

Y’all can stop fighting over who’s going to take me to Atlas Shrugged Part One the First Part because Ed’s review told me everything I needed to know.* It sounds horribly painful. And not in a fun way.

Scoregasm called it with the comparison to Battlefield Earth, although this movie is clearly worse. Obviously, I am not tough enough for it, as I was incapable of watching Battlefield Earth for more than twenty minutes before I had to turn it off for fear that I would have a brain aneurysm. And that shit was in space. I fucking love space!

I don’t think it’s even worth watching in hopes that I can make hilarious (to me) jokes about it. I can already tell that it is so mind-suckingly awful that it would be like wading into Freeperville, and only the best alchemists can turn that kind of shit into comedic gold (see also and also, too). Needless to say, I am not one of them, and if turning thirty has taught me anything, it’s to accept my limitations. I sadly admit defeat.

*No need to thank me for the immense amount of traffic my blog will provide, Ed. No, really. The pleasure’s mine.

TANGENTIALLY RELATED UPDATE: I hate people who take a dump in a public restroom and don’t have the courtesy to stick around for ten seconds and take the responsibility for a second (or third) flush when it’s needed. Nobody wants to see your fecal leavings. WHO IS JOHN GALT?

I Didn’t Know There Were TWO Parts!

14 Apr

Or three? I suppose that speech could be a whole fucking movie in and of itself. It would be boring, but that’s not particularly different from the way I imagine the rest of the movie(s) will be.

Anyway, who wants to get completely fucked up and see this movie with me? I’ll sneak in the candy if you bring the whiskey.

UPDATE: Oh, snap. It isn’t even playing here. I am NOT driving to St. Louis.

Note to Self

28 Feb

If you were once known for your big tits, you will always be known for your big tits, even when you’re 89 years old. And dead.

And “Under My Thumb” is Totes Feminist Because I Like It

6 Feb

Pupienis Maximus’s comment at Sadly, No! regarding the contention that Brazil is a conservative movie spurred me to think about why it is that conservatives are so fucking obsessed with finding (and listing) art and entertainment that they believe express their values.

Those of us who do wingnut-watching for sport are aware that this is not anything new. The language in that Human Events email was directly lifted from the NRO’s conservative movies list. Obviously, John J. Miller has basically made a career out of it.

Most people tend to prefer entertainment that reflects their beliefs, but conservatives seem to be intent on twisting anything they enjoy into some sort of statement on conservative principles (or, at least, an anti-liberal statement).

Truthfully, conservatives don’t usually make good art. Anything that’s beautiful or revolutionary or groundbreaking (like Brazil) cannot be, by default, conservative. When you stand athwart history yelling “Stop!” you’re probably not going to be particularly original. Not only are you unwilling to allow progress, but you’re also prone to fetishizing the past to such a degree that you’re intimidated by  new ideas in general, and new ideas that mock/give lie to old ideas in particular. It’s like comedy; comedy that sides with the bully, the powers that be, the status quo is usually terribly unfunny. You can’t make anything good if you’re propping up the values and institutions that make things, well, bad.

It also seems as if conservatives have a great deal of difficulty differentiating between things that are “bad” and things they just don’t like. Fascism is bad, so it must be liberal. Obama disagrees with me, so he is a Marxist. Green leafy vegetables pollute our bodily fluids  etc etc etc etc etc…Similarly, they’re incapable of understanding nuance, so if they like something, it must be Good (conservative) because they are Good.

So, there are very few conservative forms of art, which means that conservatives who have interest in anything other than Veggie Tales and the Left Behind series must turn to art that is “liberal,” or, at least, “not conservative” (which, for most of them, means “liberal”). And since liberal is Bad, they have to figure out a way to fit what they like into their value systems. That’s how you get “Brazil is a vision of how the world would be if liberals took over” or “this song by a gay British vegan about infanticide is anti-abortion” or “’Rock the Casbah’ is conservative because it was controversial after September 11.”

Which, like, whatever. It’s their prerogative to like what they like for whatever weird reason they like it. And if those lists resulted in dipshits downloading Sex Pistols songs, then I can possibly get over how insulting it is to completely re-frame something as conservative when that wasn’t the creators’ intent. It’s just that it’s representative of the rigid values systems that a lot of conservatives have, and their uncanny ability to take things out of context and completely misinterpret what they mean. It’s juvenile, annoying, and, on a wider level, bad for political discourse.