I don’t make resolutions (down that path lies failure, disappointment, and self-hatred), but I have promised myself that I’m going to try and do more to bring about self-satisfaction and contentment, even if those things are difficult and/or uncomfortable. In other words, I would like to replace some of the hours per day I spend sleeping, looking at Twitter, and doing crosswords with making things, interacting with other people, and writing.
I am (or perhaps my depression is) astonishingly good at creating excuses not to do shit, even shit that I actually want to do and know would make me happy. I tell myself that the reason I haven’t been updated my poor little blog is that I haven’t had a reliable internet connection for months, but honestly, I probably would have found another reason to neglect it even if I’d had service. After all, “but those smug pig bastards on Angry Birds are smirking at you!” and “masturbation is fun!” and “nobody wants to read your bullshit, anyway!” are all compelling arguments, too.
But, like, so what? All of those things may be true, but it’s also true that writing something, even a little blog post, brings me a sense of accomplishment. It stretches and strengthens the muscles I need to use if I want to make my life’s dream my vocation. It’s something small I can do, even when everything seems impossible.
So, I’m making the commitment to myself and to anyone who does want to read my bullshit to update more. My internet connection still ain’t that great, napping is still awesome, and my writing skills are a little rusty, but I still owe it to myself to do something that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, no matter how small it may be.
In other news, I realized that I’ve never posted a video on this blog featuring the dude who inspired my nym. This is one of my favorite Morrissey songs (it’s close enough to Music Monday, right?):
I just can’t quit you, you quasi-racist vegan bastard.