Tag Archives: booze

I Didn’t Know There Were TWO Parts!

14 Apr

Or three? I suppose that speech could be a whole fucking movie in and of itself. It would be boring, but that’s not particularly different from the way I imagine the rest of the movie(s) will be.

Anyway, who wants to get completely fucked up and see this movie with me? I’ll sneak in the candy if you bring the whiskey.

UPDATE: Oh, snap. It isn’t even playing here. I am NOT driving to St. Louis.

If You’d Like, I Can Also Take a Picture of the Navel I’ve Been Gazing at All Day

6 Apr

I realized I haven’t made a cankle update in FOREVER and since I KNOW that people are FASCINATED by it, I thought I would do so.

I’m Mostly Normal. I have some occasional pain, some swelling, and kickass scars. I haven’t started wearing high heels over a half-inch or so for any length of time yet.

As you can see from my picture taken with my camera phone and edited in MS Paint, Cankle is still larger than Non-Cankle, and lacks some of the boniness it had prior to being broken into bits.

There is a stitch still embedded in my skin that I can’t get out. My OCD does not like this at all.

Disappointingly, this one doesn’t look quite as awesome as it is in real life. First of all, it’s three inches long (TWSS) and second of all, it’s sort of situated in this weird dent between my outside plate and my Achilles tendon, which feels reeeeallllyyy weird.  This is the scar that I would not have had if I wasn’t stupid enough to try and use my crutches to go to the bathroom after drinking half a bottle of wine and taking a few (low-dose!) Vicodin. *shudder* That hurt more than the initial accident.

The good thing is that my range of motion is pretty much back to normal, and I’m at about 90% of my strength (my calf atrophied like you would NOT believe). I wish I’d done a better job of documenting it, because it was kind of fucking cool. Then again, it’s apparent that my photography skills are sub-par and my paleness is so intense that it basically reflects the flash and makes up-close pictures all shiny and weird.

Incidentally, I have $32,000 worth of hardware up in this bitch. Imma pawn it and pay off (some of) my student loans!

Mommy, Why Do You Drink?

20 Mar

Well, Woad, when a woman hates herself, it’s called internalized misogyny. She has to do something to make the pain go away, and sometimes drinking Franzia straight from the spout is the only way to do it.  Now go tell that hippie to get his baseball off my fucking lawn.