Tag Archives: abortion

Huh. It Is a Mystery.

3 Feb

Anybody have any idea why the majority of reporting in the “mainstream media” (how I hate that term) fails to mention that the Senior Vice President for Public Policy at Susan G. Komen is adamantly anti-choice? Their initial stance wasn’t just “caving into pressure”–it was evidence of rot from within.

What the fuck kind of “women’s health” organization hires a policy director who is, like, you know, anti-women’s health??? And why is SGK’s backpedaling not being reported for the fucking horeshit that it is?

Must be because all those elitist librul Islamofascist baby-hating feminazis run everything.

Also, Too, Hillary Clinton Is a Mad Bitch

18 Jan

Shorter Dana Milbank: Girls are silly (and they probably have cooties).

The headline + his bloated, creepy visage = T&U saying “UGH” very loudly over her morning coffee and initially closing the tab in unmitigated disgust.

Shittier Than a Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter

23 Jun

What the fuck:

 Not only have I been consistently pro-life, but I’ve taken the – you know, I’ve not just taken the pledge, I’ve taken the bullets to go out there and fight for this and lead on those issues.

You know what hurts more than metaphorical bullets? ACTUAL FUCKING BULLETS, ASSHOLE.

The day that you are harassed, subject to bomb threats, forced to hire a bodyguard, and live in terror because of your role in the anti-abortion movement is the day you can fucking complain about “bullets”, you pathetic wanker. Until then, I’d advise you to fuck right off.

I Get Letters

10 Apr

Dear Katie:

Thank you for contacting me about funding for Planned Parenthood.

I am deeply opposed to the practice of abortion and do not support federal funding for any organization that performs or promotes abortions, which includes Planned Parenthood. An unborn child is a living human being and abortion ends the life of that child. Throughout my time in the House I worked hard to protect the lives of the unborn.

In 2004, I led the effort to enact the bipartisan Laci and Conner’s Law, which treats a crime against an unborn child as a separate offense in criminal cases. This law addressed the murder case in California in which Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Conner, were murdered. I am proud to have the highest possible pro-life voting record according to National Right to Life, and, as I begin my time in the Senate, I will continue to support efforts to make adoption more attractive for parents and prohibit the use of taxpayer dollars to pay for abortion.

Again, thank you for contacting me.  I look forward to continuing our conversation on Facebook (www.facebook.com/SenatorBlunt) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/RoyBlunt) about the important issues facing Missouri and the country.  I also encourage you to visit my website (blunt.senate.gov) to learn more about where I stand on the issues and sign-up for my e-newsletter.

Sincere regards,
Roy Blunt
United States Senator

Dear Fuckwit:

You’re welcome. Thank YOU for having staff who have the uncanny ability to respond to my letters and petitions with poorly-written form emails that state the obvious just when I’ve forgotten that I’m righteously angry at your stupid ass, causing me to do the following:

  1. remember that Roy fucking Blunt is my senator and feel the proper dismay and disgust yet again;
  2. think “Jesus CHRIST, the Carnahan campaign was terrible. Did he pay them off?”;
  3. examine whether it was likely that Missouri could have two Democratic women in the Senate anyway,
  4. and say to myself, “Wait. I live in Missouri. What the fuck?”

I also appreciate your unwavering commitment to the principle that women should be forced to bear children against their will, as well as your unwillingness to come to any sort of compromise on this issue even if it costs the health and lives of poor women across this great nation. Some people might say that this sort of inflexibility and devotion to your moral beliefs borders on fanaticism, but that’s ridiculous, as you’re obviously not brown a serious, reasonable, compassionate conservative.

Regarding your effort to enact Laci and Conner’s Law…um, thanks? I’d think that a more effective solution would be to advocate for funding the programs that assist women in leaving abusive relationships and make it possible for them to support themselves economically, but I’m sure that this law will cause many a sick fuck to think once or twice before murdering his pregnant partner. He might even decide to wait to kill her until after the baby is born. Sounds like a win/win to me!

Finally, while Facebook, Twitter, and your newsletter may give the illusion that you actually give a shit about my rights as IF THIS WERE AN ACTUAL DEMOCRACY, I’ve been trying to cut down on the daily reminders that my fellow Lady-Parted Americans (especially the poor ones) and I are considered subhuman by a large portion of our population. Yes, I know, aspiring to have a maximum of ten reminders a day that I am only good for being fucked and incubating babies is probably naively optimistic, but a girl’s gotta start somewhere.

Sincere regards,

Katie/Truculent A. Unreliable
United States Walking Vagina

This Is Fucking Stupid

30 Mar

Jesus Christ, Arizona. Will you please stop doing dumb shit for, like, a week?

Obviously, this law doesn’t exist for anything except to restrict women’s rights, but let’s pretend they were actually trying to prevent what they say they’re preventing.

1. How often is gender a determinant of whether or not someone has an abortion in the United States? It’s an issue in China because of the one-child policy, but as far as I know, there are no laws on the books to limit the number of children a family has. (If so, someone had better tell the Duggars).

2. The race thing is just fucking unmitigated dumbshittery. So…let’s pretend that some non-white dude impregnates me. If it is a) because of rape, the race of the fetus is incidental, because as far as I know, ABORTION IS STILL LEGAL and I think I’d be more upset carrying a rapist’s baby than if the rapist weren’t white, or if it is b) because of consensual sex, it’s an even more ridiculous scenario, because I obviously can’t be that offended by having a kid that’s bi/multiracial, otherwise I would have stayed away from nonwhite dick in the first place. What the hell other situation is there? Even if a fetus could somehow change races in the womb, it’s not like you could fucking tell on the sonogram.

The only case in which fetii are  “discriminated against” because of genetics are when they have disabilities that would be fatal or cause great suffering to the baby once it’s born, or are such that the parents don’t feel capable of taking care of them.  Yet there’s nothing protecting Unborn Americans with disabilities  in this law.

Why do they hate Trig?

I Live in a Shithole

9 Mar

Okay, not completely. There’s  a lot of beautiful scenery here, and we have toilets that flush and everything.

This state has always had its kooky conservatives, but after last year’s election, they have a much louder voice than ever. And they’re using it in really atrocious and embarrassing ways. They have:

1.  Passed a bill in the House that would require that driving tests are administered in English only. Because if you don’t speak American, you’re probably too stupid to drive.

2. Introduced a bill to curtail child labor laws. I have already discussed this (and Angry Black Lady totes stole my bit, because you KNOW I was the only one who thought of Oliver Twist), but again, I have to say: SERIOUSLY? What the fuck is this fucking Gilded Age retrofuck bullshit? I cannot imagine that this bill reflects the wishes of most of Jane Cunningham’s constituents. Em.barass.ing.

3. Proposed a constitutional amendment in the Senate which would initiate a “fair tax” that would eliminate corporate income taxes in 2013 and completely eliminate all income taxes by 2018. Sales taxes would be raised and levied on goods/services that aren’t normally taxed, including medical care (because God knows that’s not expensive enough already). It’s not going to pass, but the fact that these fucking idiots are wasting their time and everyone else’s, not to mention TAXPAYER MONEY on useless, insane bullshit like this drives me fucking batty.

4. Pushed for the modification of an anti-puppy mill law that was overwhelmingly approved by Missouri voters. The re-written law would (among other measures) lift the current 50-dog limit and decriminalize violations. According to the sponsor of the bill that proposes the changes, “The way Prop B was when it was passed originally would have destroyed the industry.”

How DARE a majority of voters deprive these patriotic, upstanding citizens’ RIGHTS to make a profit on the backs of living, suffering beings that are supposedly bred to bring us joy and affection! Furthermore, Missouri is the puppy mill capital of the U.S., so if they went Galt,  Sally might not get that inbred, parasite-riddled, traumatized cocker spaniel she’s always wanted. Missouri voters, why do you hate our freedoms? And Sally?

5. Passed a bill that bars the state minimum wage from exceeding the national minimum wage despite (YET FUCKING AGAIN) a law passed by Missouri voters in 2005 that tied the minimum wage to the rate of inflation. Don’t forget that a lot of these people are the same people (who were elected by the same people) who threw a hissy about Obama shoving health care reform down our throats. Why the fuck does Missouri even bother with ballot initiatives if greedy, amoral, authoritarian attention whores are just going to overturn them as soon as they get into power? I spent MINUTES signing petitions and filling in bubbles on the ballot that I could have put to much better use, like running my dehumidifier.

Our legislature is packed to the brim with assholes, and just when I think it couldn’t get dumber, they manage to top themselves.* It’d be amusing if I didn’t live here.

*VMR and/or VBDSMR

“Pro-Lifers” Don’t Give a Fuck About People

9 Mar

This is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve read in quite a while.

What happened to this family is fucking VILE. Nobody should have to experience that. I can’t even imagine what that woman went through, having to carry what was essentially a dead baby to term while strangers asked when she was due and what sex the baby was.

Forced birthers have no compassion. If they did, they would accept that fucking is part of being human and that accidents happen. If they did, they would understand that sometimes women must make difficult choices to take care of themselves and their families. If they did, they would stop harassing clinic workers and doctors for doing their jobs, and patients for undergoing medical procedures that can be painful and difficult.

If they did, they would spare this family any more suffering than it has endured, and they would let this baby die quickly and without pain instead of spending the first and last 15 minutes of her life struggling to breathe.

Hey, Pro-Choicers!

17 Feb

Sometimes I wish we protested “crisis pregnancy centers.” The effect would be twofold: radical forced birthers would get a tiny idea of what it’s like for health care providers and patients across the country*, and women who might be duped into going to those centers would realize the truth before they even walked in the door.

We could even make signs with pictures of women who have died from back alley abortions, which I guarantee would be far more gruesome than pictures of dead “babies” supposedly killed by abortion.

I realize that this would most likely escalate tensions, and that most reproductive rights advocates have better things to do than stand outside a building full of zealots and liars all day**, but FUCK THEY ARE NEVER EVER EVER GOING TO STOP. EVER. Maybe the fact that I despise them is making me unreasonable, but if we can tweak them a little and make them feel uncomfortable, I’m quite okay with that.

*I’m not advocating that we engage in the same level of violence or threatening activity as they do, however. Yelling at them when they come into work every day is sufficient enough, I think.

**Do anti-abortion activists have jobs? I’m asking this seriously. Who the fuck has time to stand around all day and harass people and post pictures of their license plates on the internet? Maybe they should start masturbating more often.

It’s Happy Gruesome Baby Murder Time!!!

10 Feb

With your hosts:

Representative Trent "One Million Little Americans" Franks


Representative Mike "Planned Parenthood Fucked My Dog" Pence

Representative Steve "Cincinnati Fetii" Chabot

Representative Steve "Yeah, They Had to Print This Poster at Kinko's" King

Guest starring Richard “Statutory Rape is a Loophole” Doerflinger and Cathy “Serena Joy” Ruse…and some people who had the nerve to assert that women aren’t walking incubators.

Yesterday the House Judicial Subcommittee discussed the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act.” And when I say “discussed,” I mean that some bombastic, non-womb having douchebags made fucking dehumanizing assertions about mean ladies who kill three-year-olds by stabbing them in the back of the head with pinking shears. Or something. Anyway, here are the crazytown highlights:

Representative Franks calls the meeting to order and immediately starts citing the Founding Fathers and Lincoln and shit. Because he’s an anti-choice conservative and that’s what they do. He discusses the tragic deaths of “one million little Americans.” For a second, I think he’s referring to his own personal Tubesock Holocaust, and I get a little queasy. In general, he acts like a sanctimonious prick, but that goes without saying.

Next the  representative of the Catholic Crime Syndicate, Richard Doerflinger, engages in some lovely victim-blaming by saying that if we had just given in to Stupak, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now! Oh, and abortion isn’t health care. I guess it’s, like, a fun activity like a picnic or putting together a Thomas Kinkade puzzle on the weekend with your grandparents.

Cathy Ruse is next up and talks about an anti-abortion nurse who had to put an aborted fetus back together again like some sort of macabre Humpty Dumpty and at this point I am calling BULLSHIT, but I suppose it could be possible…actually, no. I’m going to assume these people are liars until it’s proven otherwise.

We haven’t even gotten to the crazy part yet, kiddos.

Representative Spence spends his time ranting about Planned Parenthood and how they are making gazillions sucking on the federal government teat and how they lure underage girls into prostitution so that they’ll get pregnant and will come for abortions so that Planned Parenthood can make even more gazillions. It’s like abortion heroin, I guess. Seriously, I think this guy just has a hard-on for Lila Rose. (Representative Conyers later says something along the lines of, “I don’t know what the hell this guy’s problem is with Planned Parenthood. Maybe they laughed at his penis when he went in to get his chlamydia test.”)

Representative Chabot is just generally a douche, but you knew that already. He refers to fetii as “little boys and little girls,” which conjures the image of a six-year-old shooting out of a woman’s junk in my mind. Sick.

THEN OMG THE BEST PART. Representative Steve King starts going on and on about “dismemberment abortion” and even has a poster of it. (Did his office make that thing, or is there some sort of anti-abortion poster publishing company?) He starts describing the mythical procedure in detail–nobody told the poor guy that shit’s illegal anyway, apparently. Then he asks Sara Rosenbaum, lawyer and health policy analyst from George Washington University (she had testified previously about some boring-ass shit like how this bill would extend the reach of the IRS to new, insane lengths, including making the determination as to what constitutes rape and holy fuck it’d be a total mess and I thought Repubs hated the IRS) if she would be willing to witness a “dismemberment abortion.” Huh? She says she’s a lawyer and it doesn’t matter and he gets all weird and shit and says she wouldn’t even want the HEAR a recording of the of the ghoulish, gruesome procedure.

Because “abortion is icky” is apparently an argument. Yeah.  No shit. It’s a medical procedure. And you know what else is icky? CHILDBIRTH. I know it’s a miracle and all that shit, but I’m not even interested in seeing video of my own hypothetical child’s head slide out of my own real vadge like a greased-up cantaloupe, much less anyone else’s, so why anyone’s revulsion regarding what’s going on with another person’s  body even fucking matters, I do not know. At least abortion doesn’t involve pooping and peeing all over the place. Or episiotimies. *shudder*

All in all, it was an absolute joke. Luckily, we had Representatives Conyers, Nadler, Quigley, and Scott there kicking as much ass as possible. Nadler asked why the fuck tax money given to families who send their kids to religious school is called a “tax credit,” but tax money given to families to purchase health insurance which includes coverage of abortion is a “subsidy.” Of course, nobody could really answer, except to say, “Well, that’s just the way it is.”

I’d also like to note  that this hearing was a complete sausage party. There were two women–Serena Joy and Sara Rosenbaum. While Rosenbaum stood her ground and had some excellent points to make, she mostly talked about the logistical nightmare that this bill would pose. The only people there who were able to speak directly to issues of women’s rights were men.

This was the first subcommittee hearing of the 112th Congress, everyone. Apparently, the most important thing in this country is giving old farts with penises (presumably) the chance to pontificate about dirty sluts killing innocent young Americans. If I were cynical, I’d say that they’re just angry that women got to the bodies for their war machine first.