Also, Too, Hillary Clinton Is a Mad Bitch

18 Jan

Shorter Dana Milbank: Girls are silly (and they probably have cooties).

The headline + his bloated, creepy visage = T&U saying “UGH” very loudly over her morning coffee and initially closing the tab in unmitigated disgust.

The Best Ever

16 Jan

A video of two really awesome songwriters singing together, one of whom is a drunk John Darnielle:

In other news, I cooked a giant (hazelnut-finished!) pork chop with apples, mashed potatoes, and collard greens for dinner, with a fudgesicle for dessert. And I feel great.

Is There Something Wrong With Me?

14 Jan

90% –okay, like, 95%–of people annoy the living shit out of me. I’m trying not to be so easily irritated, but they make it so difficult.

Also, too, I used the term “also, too” without any irony last night. At least I was drunk?

Oh, I’ll Judge, Motherfucker. I’ll Judge Good.

12 Jan

Oh, hey! Mittens likes to threaten single pregnant ladies with hell and excommunication if they don’t give up their babies. At Pandagon, Amanda Marcotte discusses the religious obsession with controlling women’s sexuality, which is, of course, completely applicable and true, as is the practice of using single mothers as incubators to provide babies to “deserving” couples.

But there’s another element to this story I want to talk about. The interesting (and by interesting, I mean especially fucked up) thing is that the “sin” of extramarital sex had already been committed, but she wasn’t being (formally) chastised and threatened with excommunication for that. Instead, she was in trouble for not following church doctrine and keeping the physical evidence of her “sin” in her life. The policy of requiring women to give up children born out of wedlock for adoption strikes me more as an attempt to keep up appearances than anything else. I’m sure that that the Mormon church would argue that children need two parents, or that women who lack the moral character to refrain from having sex outside of marriage aren’t qualified to raise kids, but really, does anyone doubt that this is about destroying the evidence of the sins of congregation members using the most “moral” means possible?

Many religious communities aren’t built on personal accountability or integrity. They’re built on appearances. It’s more important to look righteous than it is to be righteous. When he was training for the ministry, my father said that he wouldn’t perform a wedding ceremony for a couple who had been living together “for propriety’s sake.” Did he believe in virginity tests or interrogating couples about their sexual relationship if they didn’t live together? Of course not. It wasn’t important that they didn’t have pre-marital sex; it was important that he could pretend they didn’t. The “argument” that queer people can be queer all they want as long as they don’t practice their queerness (ie, love and fuck the people they want to love and fuck) is similar—you can “sin” in your heart all you want, as long as you don’t show physical evidence of your icky, icky gayness.

Obviously, the idea that extramarital sex is a sin is founded on controlling women’s sexuality. But the emphasis on propriety and appearances is just as harmful. It creates deception and prevents people from being authentic. It perpetuates all sorts of abuse. It exacerbates the obsession with control over women’s bodies by encouraging church members to appear scandalized enough to prove themselves to be upright Christians. It’s the reason why the term “tightly-knit community” gives me hives.

It also explains why, as Erin Gloria Ryan writes, Romney’s “views are so wildly inconsistent that I’m beginning to think that Mitt Romney is actually two conflicted souls trapped in the same body, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.” It’s clear that Romney only gives a fuck about Romney, and while he may have some tendencies toward being a reasonable, thinking human being, he’ll throw them away if he has a chance to make himself look better. He’ll threaten a woman with excommunication and hell if it protects the church’s appearance and, more importantly, preserves his place in its hierarchy. His community, his party, and his religion encourage it.

Like Having Sex With a Republican

11 Jan

Want to feel intense boredom and self-hatred at the same time?

Call Ron Paul a racist on Twitter and then engage in “conversation” with the Paulbots who come out of the woodwork to defend him.

They’re RELENTLESS and, I swear, they have a script. The same dumb, dumb, entitled white dude script.  I’d compare them to Mormons, but that seems unfair. Mormons are a LOT more entertaining.

Your False Equivalency Orgy of the Day

10 Jan

Some dude from The Weekly Standard and another guy from the Washington Post discuss the value of political fact checking on Talk of the Nation. The highlight comes from the Weekly Standard dude who is, like, all anti-fact checking and shit:

HEMINGWAY: Well, there’s a number of reasons why I arrived at that conclusion. One of the facts I pointed out in the piece was that the University of Minnesota School of Public Affairs had actually done a survey of PolitiFact, and they evaluated all 500 statements that PolitiFact had rated from January of 2010 to January of 2011.

And they found that of the 98 statements that PolitiFact had rated false, 74 of them were by Republicans. Now, I can think of a number of reasons why you might cite one party over the other more, in terms of, you know, who was telling the truth and who wasn’t. But doing that at a rate of three to one strikes me as awfully suspicious, particularly when, if you delve into the specifics of the statements that they cited, there’s all kinds of problematic things contained there, whereas they are, you know, like you’re mentioned, they’re often fact-checking opinions and providing counter-arguments to, you know, stated opinions.

Huh. Well, Mark, maybe the problem isn’t the fact-checking methodology, but the fact that YOUR PARTY FUCKING LIES ALL THE FUCKING TIME???

Of course, this is the same dude who later said that Sarah Palin’s claim of death panels wasn’t technically a lie, so I think it’s clear that he technically lives in a different universe than the rest of us.

Oh, I Didn’t See You There!

10 Jan

Hi, errbody!

I don’t make resolutions (down that path lies failure, disappointment, and self-hatred), but I have promised myself that I’m going to try and do more to bring about self-satisfaction and contentment, even if those things are difficult and/or uncomfortable. In other words, I would like to replace some of the hours per day I spend sleeping, looking at Twitter, and doing crosswords with making things, interacting with other people, and writing.

I am (or perhaps my depression is) astonishingly good at creating excuses not to do shit, even shit that I actually want to do and know would make me happy. I tell myself that the reason I haven’t been updated my poor little blog is that I haven’t had a reliable internet connection for months, but honestly, I probably would have found another reason to neglect it even if I’d had service. After all, “but those smug pig bastards on Angry Birds are smirking at you!” and “masturbation is fun!” and “nobody wants to read your bullshit, anyway!” are all compelling arguments, too.

But, like, so what? All of those things may be true, but it’s also true that writing something, even a little blog post, brings me a sense of accomplishment. It stretches and strengthens the muscles I need to use if I want to make my life’s dream my vocation. It’s something small I can do, even when everything seems impossible.

So, I’m making the commitment to myself and to anyone who does want to read my bullshit to update more. My internet connection still ain’t that great, napping is still awesome, and my writing skills are a little rusty, but I still owe it to myself to do something that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, no matter how small it may be.

In other news, I realized that I’ve never posted a video on this blog featuring the dude who inspired my nym. This is one of my favorite Morrissey songs (it’s close enough to Music Monday, right?):

I just can’t quit you, you quasi-racist vegan bastard.

Oh, Thank God

17 Nov

Like most Americans, I don’t stay up late at night worrying about paying my bills or finding a good job. My insomnia is brought on by the oppression I feel due to my inability to legally carry concealed weapons across state lines.

Republicans. What would we do without them???

Yglesias Needs to Stop Hanging Out With Megan McCardle

16 Nov

Food policy douchebaggery seems to be contagious.

After he is informed that a tablespoon of pizza sauce is not, in fact, “servings” of vegetables, Yglesias then asks “Why don’t they just put more sauce on it?” Um, because there would need to be a half-cup of sauce, and the food industry said that would be gross. (Actually, I think we’d all agree that would be gross). Do you even know what you’re talking about, asshole? Uniformed spouting off: not just for conservatives!

I’m confused as to why a supposed progressive would be so contrarian about policies intended to make sure that kids get the best nutrition possible. School lunches may be the only source of vegetables that poor kids get in a day, unless the dried garlic crystals in ramen seasoning packs count as vegetables, too. What kind of idiot thinks a diet of cheap processed food provides adequate nutrition for growing children?

Ah. I see.

I Listen to This Song Turned Up to Eleven

14 Nov

The best thing about Twilight Sad is the wall of *sound* they throw at you. And the Scottish accent.*

Too bad the video is terribly dull.

*Update: Also, their creepy album art, too.