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Furthermore

27 May

it’s freaking badminton. Nothing’s going to make anyone watch that shit unless it includes live sex acts.

I both dread and happily anticipate the kind of Google hits *that’s* going to bring…

I Get Letters

10 Apr

Dear Katie:

Thank you for contacting me about funding for Planned Parenthood.

I am deeply opposed to the practice of abortion and do not support federal funding for any organization that performs or promotes abortions, which includes Planned Parenthood. An unborn child is a living human being and abortion ends the life of that child. Throughout my time in the House I worked hard to protect the lives of the unborn.

In 2004, I led the effort to enact the bipartisan Laci and Conner’s Law, which treats a crime against an unborn child as a separate offense in criminal cases. This law addressed the murder case in California in which Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Conner, were murdered. I am proud to have the highest possible pro-life voting record according to National Right to Life, and, as I begin my time in the Senate, I will continue to support efforts to make adoption more attractive for parents and prohibit the use of taxpayer dollars to pay for abortion.

Again, thank you for contacting me.  I look forward to continuing our conversation on Facebook (www.facebook.com/SenatorBlunt) and Twitter (www.twitter.com/RoyBlunt) about the important issues facing Missouri and the country.  I also encourage you to visit my website (blunt.senate.gov) to learn more about where I stand on the issues and sign-up for my e-newsletter.

Sincere regards,
Roy Blunt
United States Senator

Dear Fuckwit:

You’re welcome. Thank YOU for having staff who have the uncanny ability to respond to my letters and petitions with poorly-written form emails that state the obvious just when I’ve forgotten that I’m righteously angry at your stupid ass, causing me to do the following:

  1. remember that Roy fucking Blunt is my senator and feel the proper dismay and disgust yet again;
  2. think “Jesus CHRIST, the Carnahan campaign was terrible. Did he pay them off?”;
  3. examine whether it was likely that Missouri could have two Democratic women in the Senate anyway,
  4. and say to myself, “Wait. I live in Missouri. What the fuck?”

I also appreciate your unwavering commitment to the principle that women should be forced to bear children against their will, as well as your unwillingness to come to any sort of compromise on this issue even if it costs the health and lives of poor women across this great nation. Some people might say that this sort of inflexibility and devotion to your moral beliefs borders on fanaticism, but that’s ridiculous, as you’re obviously not brown a serious, reasonable, compassionate conservative.

Regarding your effort to enact Laci and Conner’s Law…um, thanks? I’d think that a more effective solution would be to advocate for funding the programs that assist women in leaving abusive relationships and make it possible for them to support themselves economically, but I’m sure that this law will cause many a sick fuck to think once or twice before murdering his pregnant partner. He might even decide to wait to kill her until after the baby is born. Sounds like a win/win to me!

Finally, while Facebook, Twitter, and your newsletter may give the illusion that you actually give a shit about my rights as IF THIS WERE AN ACTUAL DEMOCRACY, I’ve been trying to cut down on the daily reminders that my fellow Lady-Parted Americans (especially the poor ones) and I are considered subhuman by a large portion of our population. Yes, I know, aspiring to have a maximum of ten reminders a day that I am only good for being fucked and incubating babies is probably naively optimistic, but a girl’s gotta start somewhere.

Sincere regards,

Katie/Truculent A. Unreliable
United States Walking Vagina

A Sorry-Ass Excuse for a Man

10 Apr

Today I was witness to a lovely display of public abuse by some douchebag who thought it was totes acceptable to yell at his wife in line at the store because he called her cell phone “three fucking times and you never answered it, but here you come around the corner with the fucking thing in your hand. Sorry-ass fucking excuse for a wife.”

Yeah. So, she looked absolutely humiliated, of course, because the only thing worse than someone treating you like that is someone treating you like that in public and thinking that everyone is judging you for “putting up with” that kind of shit.  They had three young children with them, and the oldest was a girl who looked to be about 10 or 11 and was already dead-eyed.  I hate to think about what happens in private.

I wanted to say or do something that would at least show the children that other adults aren’t okay with this behavior, and that it’s not something he should be able to get away with, but I also didn’t want to put myself at risk or give him a reason to abuse his family later.  (I absolutely believe he was the kind of asshole who would blame his wife for “making him” abuse her in public and “getting him” into trouble).

In a way, I almost feel like I have a debt to make up for not acting, though.

Fuck You, Substance. I’d Rather Talk about Santorum (Either the Guy or the Frothy Mixture)

4 Apr

Over at Substance’s house, he indicates that some “libertarian” over at Big Hollywood is all cranky poo because C****** S**** called Sarah Palin a whore.

Of course, (as Substance points out), it’s quite ridiculous and hypocritical to be all fainty-couchy at S**** for using the word “whore” after he has shot his girlfriend, abused and threatened TWO WIVES to the point that they had to get restraining orders, and committed a variety of other shit-ass acts against women (and I’m sure those are just the tip of the iceberg).

But I actually think it’s worse than that; it’s the way that this type of rhetoric influences and reinforces the way that women are perceived in our society.  It’s not just that they’re using it as a tool to go after political enemies. It’s that they believe that certain women deserve respect and certain women are subhuman garbage.  It’s a rightwing distillation of the attitude that Anna Holmes talks about in this article–certain women are worthy of protection by virtue of who/what they are, and certain women are just disposable, or even deserve what they get. It’s actually funny how you can see something backwards and fucked up in society and pretty much guarantee that conservatives practice it to a greater degree than pretty much anyone.

Of course, the difference between these two groups is always changing. While there are women (and, fuck, GIRLS) who are almost always going to be unsympathetically viewed, even the criteria for what makes one a victim vs. what means you’ve asked for it is impossible to pin down, no matter how close to normative you are. It’s something that Sarah Palin types don’t see, but will one day understand. The Big P only shines favor on you when you are its lapdogs and follow its dictates, but, like any abusive relationship, the rules can change from one day to the next.  In the end, it’s more about who you are than what you do. As long as you’re favored, you have some wiggle room, but the moment you step over the invisible line (sometimes through no fault of your own), you are just as vulnerable as the rest of us. It’s currently very easy for Sarah Palin to dismiss sexism against her as her political enemies being assholes (which they are), but someday–when her looks fade, most likely–she will learn that she’s just a woman like the rest of us.

Although she’ll never admit it’s because of the systems she’s supported all her life, of course.

This Is Fucking Stupid

30 Mar

Jesus Christ, Arizona. Will you please stop doing dumb shit for, like, a week?

Obviously, this law doesn’t exist for anything except to restrict women’s rights, but let’s pretend they were actually trying to prevent what they say they’re preventing.

1. How often is gender a determinant of whether or not someone has an abortion in the United States? It’s an issue in China because of the one-child policy, but as far as I know, there are no laws on the books to limit the number of children a family has. (If so, someone had better tell the Duggars).

2. The race thing is just fucking unmitigated dumbshittery. So…let’s pretend that some non-white dude impregnates me. If it is a) because of rape, the race of the fetus is incidental, because as far as I know, ABORTION IS STILL LEGAL and I think I’d be more upset carrying a rapist’s baby than if the rapist weren’t white, or if it is b) because of consensual sex, it’s an even more ridiculous scenario, because I obviously can’t be that offended by having a kid that’s bi/multiracial, otherwise I would have stayed away from nonwhite dick in the first place. What the hell other situation is there? Even if a fetus could somehow change races in the womb, it’s not like you could fucking tell on the sonogram.

The only case in which fetii are  “discriminated against” because of genetics are when they have disabilities that would be fatal or cause great suffering to the baby once it’s born, or are such that the parents don’t feel capable of taking care of them.  Yet there’s nothing protecting Unborn Americans with disabilities  in this law.

Why do they hate Trig?

Thought of the Day

29 Mar

Bill Maher is a mega-douche. Really? Really? That’s the first thing you go after? I thought you were supposed to be a comedian or some shit, Bill.

See also.

I also find it ironic that someone who mocks religious beliefs claims he’s “not into Western medicine”. God, I hate him SO MUCH.

I Hate Them

18 Feb

I really do. It’s not so much that their bullshittery will have a practical impact (it won’t, thank God, but probably just *barely*), it’s that they are so completely, utterly full of hatred for women and poor people that it takes my fucking breath away.

I can’t even write anything more coherent beyond “FUCKING FUCK FUCKERS FUCK.” Instead, I am going to drink some bourbon and listen to this band turned up loud:

WE’RE ASKING FOR SUBSISTENCE!

They’re Kansas kids (if you can’t tell by their name), although they moved to Brooklyn a couple of years ago, the fuckers. New Yorkers, I highly recommend their shows, although you might want to bring earplugs.

UPDAAAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEEETE!

Hell to the fucking YEAH!

Hey, Pro-Choicers!

17 Feb

Sometimes I wish we protested “crisis pregnancy centers.” The effect would be twofold: radical forced birthers would get a tiny idea of what it’s like for health care providers and patients across the country*, and women who might be duped into going to those centers would realize the truth before they even walked in the door.

We could even make signs with pictures of women who have died from back alley abortions, which I guarantee would be far more gruesome than pictures of dead “babies” supposedly killed by abortion.

I realize that this would most likely escalate tensions, and that most reproductive rights advocates have better things to do than stand outside a building full of zealots and liars all day**, but FUCK THEY ARE NEVER EVER EVER GOING TO STOP. EVER. Maybe the fact that I despise them is making me unreasonable, but if we can tweak them a little and make them feel uncomfortable, I’m quite okay with that.

*I’m not advocating that we engage in the same level of violence or threatening activity as they do, however. Yelling at them when they come into work every day is sufficient enough, I think.

**Do anti-abortion activists have jobs? I’m asking this seriously. Who the fuck has time to stand around all day and harass people and post pictures of their license plates on the internet? Maybe they should start masturbating more often.