I Give Up

18 Apr

Y’all can stop fighting over who’s going to take me to Atlas Shrugged Part One the First Part because Ed’s review told me everything I needed to know.* It sounds horribly painful. And not in a fun way.

Scoregasm called it with the comparison to Battlefield Earth, although this movie is clearly worse. Obviously, I am not tough enough for it, as I was incapable of watching Battlefield Earth for more than twenty minutes before I had to turn it off for fear that I would have a brain aneurysm. And that shit was in space. I fucking love space!

I don’t think it’s even worth watching in hopes that I can make hilarious (to me) jokes about it. I can already tell that it is so mind-suckingly awful that it would be like wading into Freeperville, and only the best alchemists can turn that kind of shit into comedic gold (see also and also, too). Needless to say, I am not one of them, and if turning thirty has taught me anything, it’s to accept my limitations. I sadly admit defeat.

*No need to thank me for the immense amount of traffic my blog will provide, Ed. No, really. The pleasure’s mine.

TANGENTIALLY RELATED UPDATE: I hate people who take a dump in a public restroom and don’t have the courtesy to stick around for ten seconds and take the responsibility for a second (or third) flush when it’s needed. Nobody wants to see your fecal leavings. WHO IS JOHN GALT?

5 Responses to “I Give Up”

  1. Oregon Beer Snob 04.18.2011 at 12:51 #

    Y’know what’s worse than the missing second flush? Disgusting college professors that take a dump, leave skidmarks and a lingering odor of cigars and death (WTF do you eat?!?), and then DON’T WASH THEIR HANDS!!!!eleven. Ick.

  2. Substance McGravitas 04.18.2011 at 14:51 #

    If it doesn’t have the Battlefield Earth camera filters and the Dutch angles it’s ALREADY better.

  3. B^4 04.18.2011 at 15:28 #

    The sequel will be a million times better, because it will be based on Bioshock– it will be about the problems facing the “producers” when they realize that John Galt, no geologist, has built his hideaway in a waterless gulch, and they start killing each other over the dwindling supply of potable liquids. The title will be Atlas Shrugged 2: Frag Me, Dagny.

    I hear Uwe Boll is on board to direct.

  4. truculentandunreliable 04.19.2011 at 09:38 #

    B^4, I would watch that in a hot fucking second.

  5. Kristjan Wager 04.24.2011 at 11:52 #

    It would nearly be worth paying good money to go see the Ayn Rand movie with you, just to hear your comments – and if I lived closer, I would definitely invite you to go see it with me. As it is, I think I’ll give it a miss (like I did Battlefield Earth)

    The Bioshock movie I’d watch.

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