At Least That’s Something…

8 Apr

On mornings when you’ve overslept by a half-hour and are searching your floordrobe for something relatively clean and unwrinkled to wear because the skirt you were planning on wearing NO LONGER FUCKING FITS, putting baby powder in your hair because you haven’t washed it in five days, contemplating selling plasma to pay your bills, rushing out the door and realizing that you forgot both your lunch and your wallet and you’re seriously congratulating yourself for accidentally coming up with this method to lose weight and save money, thinking about how you’ll be 31 in five months but you feel like you’re 22 (not in a good way), feeling resentful of a friend’s proclamation on her blog that she loves her thirties because at this rate you won’t get your shit together until you’re at least 60 or, more likely, you’ll be on Hoarders by then, it’s good to remember that at least you’re not a Republican.

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19 Responses to “At Least That’s Something…”

  1. vacuumslayer 04.08.2011 at 08:53 #

    DON’T
    WANNA
    HEAR
    IT.

    I’m 38. And it’s been, let’s just say, a few days since I washed my hair. I don’t work (outside the home). What’s my fucking excuse?

    Actually, if it makes you feel any better, your funtime adventures sound awfully familiar to me. Hubby has often remarked that he is surprised I don’t accidentally burn the house down while he’s at work.

  2. zombie rotten mcdonald 04.08.2011 at 09:19 #

    “Accidentally”?

  3. truculentandunreliable 04.08.2011 at 09:35 #

    Washing hair sucks. Plus it’s better for it if you don’t. Yeah, that’s right…

    I have this scarf that I love, but I have to keep repositioning it when I wear it because it’s covered in various coffee stains. Pathetic.

    However…at least I am not wearing:

    A long-sleeved, empire-waisted white dress shirt
    A very short black skirt
    Sheer black hose
    Slouchy black boots covered in buckles
    and a HUGE sparkly silver vest with a racerback.

    NOR am I wearing:

    This (while it is not uncute, it is a romper, not a dress or separates, and you wear that to work in your garden with a cute little straw hat or if you are 6, not TO WORK AT A DEAN’S OFFICE)
    Over a long-sleeved black shirt
    With sheer black hose
    And actually somewhat cute shoes.

  4. truculentandunreliable 04.08.2011 at 09:36 #

    “Without pre-planning” may be a better term, ZRM.

  5. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© 04.08.2011 at 10:07 #

    Putting baby powder in your hair?

    I’ve never heard of this one.
    ~

  6. truculentandunreliable 04.08.2011 at 10:11 #

    Yeah, it absorbs the oil from your scalp. Non-cheapos use dry shampoo instead. Of course, their heads don’t smell like clean diapers, either.

  7. Substance McGravitas 04.08.2011 at 12:36 #

    putting baby powder in your hair because you haven’t washed it in five days

    Black clothing is a must.

  8. B^4 04.08.2011 at 13:22 #

    Putting baby powder in your hair?

    I’ve never heard of this one.

    What is this hair of which you speak?

    Confession time- my landlord is re-doing the laundry room and I can’t be arsed going to the laundromat, so I “washed” some clothes in the shower, using my feet to agitate the water (VMR?). The washing machine and dryer will probably be hooked up by Sunday, and happily I’ll be working graveyards until then, so I can go into work in grubby clothes.

  9. M. Bouffant 04.08.2011 at 13:57 #

    Seems like the perfect way to start the week-end. You’ll be ready for it now.

    I too have washed threads in the shower or tub. No going into other personal habits.

    (Note: Get some baby powder. Do not get a matching baby.)

  10. Smut Clyde 04.08.2011 at 16:07 #

    More lists of what you are not wearing plz.

  11. vacuumslayer 04.08.2011 at 18:18 #

    Attention everyone! Inspired by this very entry, I have decided to…wait for it…WASH MY HAIR tonight! Woo-hoo! Now THATS a fuckin Friday night!

  12. Larkspur 04.08.2011 at 22:49 #

    Oh dear lord, you people are adorable.

  13. truculentandunreliable 04.09.2011 at 00:45 #

    I am amused and intrigued by this whole bathtub with foot agitation process.

    A lot of the stuff I wear I hand-wash in the sink anyway, but I still need to take the two-minute walk to the little laundry center we have at my complex, of course. Doing laundry without a washer and dryer in my apartment is apparently hard work and requires a degree of planning ahead that I’ve lost the ability to do sometime between the ages of 23 and 30.

  14. truculentandunreliable 04.09.2011 at 00:51 #

    smut, I am not wearing a bowler, nor argyle socks, nor a poncho. I am not wearing suspenders (or braces, as your people most likely call them, although it is true that I am not wearing what you might call suspenders, either–okay, you can stop thinking about that now, no really) or platform shoes, either.

    vs, your life sounds as crazy exciting as mine! I’m not washing my hair until tomorrow, though, because I LIKE TO LIVE ON THE EDGE.

  15. smut clyde 04.09.2011 at 03:03 #

    I am not wearing a bowler […] or platform shoes, either.
    Thank you. My imagination will do the rest.

  16. Larkspur 04.09.2011 at 10:06 #

    Yeah, I do the short laundry room trek myself. I became a compulsive hoarder of quarters years ago. When I hit 40, I realized that the whole laundry job became less burdensome, maybe even tolerable, if I just did a couple of loads, one at a time, throughout the week. It’s easier to snag a single machine, the folding goes quickly, and you don’t get disgusted with yourself when you accidentally glance at an overflowing dirty laundry basket.

    But I cannot in good conscience advise anyone to do anything that might cause her to end up like me, for that is a road that leads away from riches, accomplishments, and the respect of a grateful nation. On the plus side, whenever I encounter a slender, strangely dressed person who yammers about being fat and possibly imagines being Kate Middlething, I can run the fuck away. It’s a wonderful life, I tells ya.

  17. Comrade Misfit 04.10.2011 at 13:34 #

    One of the happier days of my life was when I moved into an apartment that had a washer/dryer hookup.

    Then I managed to score a 1980s vintage stacking unit; all it cost me was to rent an appliance dolly and a small van to move it.

    No having to hoard quarters or to fill up the laundromat cash card. No having to shlep loads of dirty laundry to the laundromat or laundry room. No having to try and schedule my washing around the peak times of other people.

    Frakking heaven.

  18. truculentandunreliable 04.10.2011 at 13:42 #

    Larkspur, it’s definitely a trade-off. There are some days when I think “What the fuck am I doing here?” and then I think, “Oh, yeah. Health insurance.”

    One of the happier days of my life was when I moved into an apartment that had a washer/dryer hookup.

    Isn’t it lovely? Mine in my last place was a $200 set from Craigslist. Which I turned around and sold for $200 4 months later when I had to move into a place without hookups.

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