If You’d Like, I Can Also Take a Picture of the Navel I’ve Been Gazing at All Day

6 Apr

I realized I haven’t made a cankle update in FOREVER and since I KNOW that people are FASCINATED by it, I thought I would do so.

I’m Mostly Normal. I have some occasional pain, some swelling, and kickass scars. I haven’t started wearing high heels over a half-inch or so for any length of time yet.

As you can see from my picture taken with my camera phone and edited in MS Paint, Cankle is still larger than Non-Cankle, and lacks some of the boniness it had prior to being broken into bits.

There is a stitch still embedded in my skin that I can’t get out. My OCD does not like this at all.

Disappointingly, this one doesn’t look quite as awesome as it is in real life. First of all, it’s three inches long (TWSS) and second of all, it’s sort of situated in this weird dent between my outside plate and my Achilles tendon, which feels reeeeallllyyy weird.  This is the scar that I would not have had if I wasn’t stupid enough to try and use my crutches to go to the bathroom after drinking half a bottle of wine and taking a few (low-dose!) Vicodin. *shudder* That hurt more than the initial accident.

The good thing is that my range of motion is pretty much back to normal, and I’m at about 90% of my strength (my calf atrophied like you would NOT believe). I wish I’d done a better job of documenting it, because it was kind of fucking cool. Then again, it’s apparent that my photography skills are sub-par and my paleness is so intense that it basically reflects the flash and makes up-close pictures all shiny and weird.

Incidentally, I have $32,000 worth of hardware up in this bitch. Imma pawn it and pay off (some of) my student loans!

27 Responses to “If You’d Like, I Can Also Take a Picture of the Navel I’ve Been Gazing at All Day”

  1. zombie rotten mcdonald 04.06.2011 at 10:08 #

    I welcome our Cyborg Librarian overlords. Zombies desire a Non-aggression pact.

    I wish I’d done a better job of documenting it

    Yeah, I felt the same way when I destroyed a toenail trying to do a jump axe kick. I forget to video it when I finally pulled it completely off the toe; that video would have gotten a million squicky hits.

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya 04.06.2011 at 11:01 #

    I’m happy with birdie pics!

  3. truculentandunreliable 04.06.2011 at 11:33 #

    My foot was so freaking swollen that it looked like a fat baby’s foot. Also, epic ass bruises.

  4. Oregon Beer Snob 04.06.2011 at 11:49 #

    Love the MS Paint annotations. They always add a certain panache to photos.

    Thanks ZRM: I currently have a toenail slowly and painfully working its way to falling off (FYI: running 4-miles downhill without proper nail trimming is stupid). I had never thought to record it for posterity. I’m gonna be the next youtube star! Woo!

  5. zombie rotten mcdonald 04.06.2011 at 11:56 #

    I get 40%, OBS.

  6. zombie rotten mcdonald 04.06.2011 at 12:26 #

    40% of the profits.

    I only get 20% of the toenail.

  7. B^4 04.06.2011 at 13:16 #

    T&U, somebody’s gonna get all “Rule 34” on this post… hopefully said person won’t post a comment.

    The nail of my right ring finger is still messed up from a time I got it caught between a shelving unit and the frame that holds up the shelving units… it’s been over three years.

  8. M. Bouffant 04.06.2011 at 14:02 #

    Nice toenail polish.

  9. Substance McGravitas 04.06.2011 at 15:03 #


  10. truculentandunreliable 04.06.2011 at 15:12 #

    B^4, I know. I was trying not to think about it.

    Thanks, Bouffant! That damn fourth toe always sheds it in, like, a day. If you’d like to replicate it, it’s one coat of Sally Hansen Diamond Strength Nail Color in Antique Bronze and two coats of Pure Ice in Golden Mist.

  11. truculentandunreliable 04.06.2011 at 15:13 #


    I’m not sure I like the sound of that…

  12. smut clyde 04.06.2011 at 17:45 #

    There is a stitch still embedded in my skin that I can’t get out.

    T&U needs to watch “In My Skin”.

  13. B^4 04.06.2011 at 18:37 #

    There is a stitch still embedded in my skin that I can’t get out.


  14. truculentandunreliable 04.06.2011 at 19:01 #

    T&U needs to watch “In My Skin”.

    *checks IMDB*

    No. I really do not.


    Y’all are trying to give me nightmares, aren’t you?

  15. Smut Clyde 04.06.2011 at 19:27 #

    I can help! [collects tools]

  16. Larkspur 04.07.2011 at 00:05 #

    Iatrogenic Morgellon’s! We may have found a way to pay off your student loans.

  17. fish 04.07.2011 at 08:30 #

    I sense excellent opportunities for tattoo art.

  18. zombie rotten mcdonald 04.07.2011 at 18:15 #

    I would get that tattoo.

  19. Smut Clyde 04.07.2011 at 20:04 #

    You know, if someone with GIMP were to animate that scar it would look exactly like a swimming polychaete worm.

  20. John Revolta 04.08.2011 at 05:22 #

    Wait’ll the next time you and that hardware try to get on an airplane……………

  21. jim 04.08.2011 at 12:10 #

    In B4 “David Lynch’s fap-file.”

    Whoa. THAT screwed you out of 32 large(mind undergoing massive boggling)?!!

    In The Dominion Of Poutinistan I guesstimate the total cost to you for fixing a damaged tentacle like that would be roughly sweet bugger-all. We’ve got posh hospitals, clinics & rehab units here that run on a pay-to-play model too (one simply can’t have the delicate snowflake-babies of the sacred hoi polloi whiffing the sullied air of the peons in their time of Dire Owie, after all).

    Since our hospitals don’t run under the same basic predicate as XBox, Sham-Wow or Peter Popoff’s Miracle Prayer Towels, what it costs here to actually do it might be a fair chunk less too … in our money … which is now worth more than Yankee money.

    Non-Trivial Silver Lining: despite sucking, epic ass bruisage is still a talking kitten on Kitteh-Prozac frolicking under a rainbow compared to a fractured pelvis. That ass was heroic & deserves its own civic holiday: Ass Day.

  22. truculentandunreliable 04.08.2011 at 12:37 #

    Whoa. THAT screwed you out of 32 large(mind undergoing massive boggling)?!!

    Ahhahaha, there’s no way I could/would pay that. That’s more than I make in a year.I have health insurance, at least.

    And *just* the metal cost that much. The whole procedure was nearly $100,000. And that was with insurance company-negotiated rates that I saw on my bill, not what it would actually cost the average uninsured American.

    With insurance,the surgery plus physical therapy was about $800. (Plus another $350 because of the work I missed when I ran out of vacation and sick leave). Oh, plus $100 for the ER co-pay. Plus whatever my drugs cost…oh and PLUS my co-pays for visits to the doctor after the insurance company stopped considering them follow-ups around December 1. So, another $100.

    So I’m guessing about $1200 total if we don’t count the work I missed? And I’m lucky, because that’s less than 1% what I would have paid if it was out-of-pocket, and I have pretty good insurance.

    It’s fucking scary. I fell off my *bike*.

    And yes, my injury doesn’t even COMPARE to a pelvic fracture.

  23. truculentandunreliable 04.08.2011 at 12:38 #

    I forgot the CT scans and xrays that I received as part of the treatment…so maybe $200,000 total without insurance? Jesus. I’d tell them just to cut the damned thing off.

  24. Oregon Beer Snob 04.08.2011 at 13:50 #

    Having a “bike” is a pre-existing condition. You’re gonna have to pay all that back, with interest.

  25. zombie rotten mcdonald 04.08.2011 at 15:32 #

    I’d tell them just to cut the damned thing off.

    That’s their plan. How do you think surgeons got the nickname “Sawbones”?

  26. humanoid 04.10.2011 at 20:59 #

    Greetings everyone. Analysis which went on for some number of years verified that homo sapiens are programmed bio-machines. Check out – Catalog of Human Population

  27. Oblio's Cap 04.14.2011 at 10:56 #

    Now I understand the Muslims, what with their burqas and ankle coverings. Classic Western Decadence!

    Still, cute toes…

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