I Live in a Shithole

9 Mar

Okay, not completely. There’s  a lot of beautiful scenery here, and we have toilets that flush and everything.

This state has always had its kooky conservatives, but after last year’s election, they have a much louder voice than ever. And they’re using it in really atrocious and embarrassing ways. They have:

1.  Passed a bill in the House that would require that driving tests are administered in English only. Because if you don’t speak American, you’re probably too stupid to drive.

2. Introduced a bill to curtail child labor laws. I have already discussed this (and Angry Black Lady totes stole my bit, because you KNOW I was the only one who thought of Oliver Twist), but again, I have to say: SERIOUSLY? What the fuck is this fucking Gilded Age retrofuck bullshit? I cannot imagine that this bill reflects the wishes of most of Jane Cunningham’s constituents. Em.barass.ing.

3. Proposed a constitutional amendment in the Senate which would initiate a “fair tax” that would eliminate corporate income taxes in 2013 and completely eliminate all income taxes by 2018. Sales taxes would be raised and levied on goods/services that aren’t normally taxed, including medical care (because God knows that’s not expensive enough already). It’s not going to pass, but the fact that these fucking idiots are wasting their time and everyone else’s, not to mention TAXPAYER MONEY on useless, insane bullshit like this drives me fucking batty.

4. Pushed for the modification of an anti-puppy mill law that was overwhelmingly approved by Missouri voters. The re-written law would (among other measures) lift the current 50-dog limit and decriminalize violations. According to the sponsor of the bill that proposes the changes, “The way Prop B was when it was passed originally would have destroyed the industry.”

How DARE a majority of voters deprive these patriotic, upstanding citizens’ RIGHTS to make a profit on the backs of living, suffering beings that are supposedly bred to bring us joy and affection! Furthermore, Missouri is the puppy mill capital of the U.S., so if they went Galt,  Sally might not get that inbred, parasite-riddled, traumatized cocker spaniel she’s always wanted. Missouri voters, why do you hate our freedoms? And Sally?

5. Passed a bill that bars the state minimum wage from exceeding the national minimum wage despite (YET FUCKING AGAIN) a law passed by Missouri voters in 2005 that tied the minimum wage to the rate of inflation. Don’t forget that a lot of these people are the same people (who were elected by the same people) who threw a hissy about Obama shoving health care reform down our throats. Why the fuck does Missouri even bother with ballot initiatives if greedy, amoral, authoritarian attention whores are just going to overturn them as soon as they get into power? I spent MINUTES signing petitions and filling in bubbles on the ballot that I could have put to much better use, like running my dehumidifier.

Our legislature is packed to the brim with assholes, and just when I think it couldn’t get dumber, they manage to top themselves.* It’d be amusing if I didn’t live here.

*VMR and/or VBDSMR

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17 Responses to “I Live in a Shithole”

  1. truculentandunreliable 03.09.2011 at 21:20 #

    Heh, I just noticed that I tagged this post with “abortion.” I like to talk about abortion a lot. ABORTION ABORTION ABORTION!

    Anyway, it’s actually relevant because they’re tossing around the idea of limiting abortions after 22 weeks except in cases in which the mother’s life is in danger. I just couldn’t talk about it after that last post.

  2. smut clyde 03.09.2011 at 22:21 #

    I see that the Missouri law also allows the driving test to be administered in American Sign Language, which kind of completely destroys the rationale that it’s about English literacy.

  3. jim 03.09.2011 at 23:19 #

    Puppies have a known liberal bias.

    The ties of Big Puppy to both Al Quaeda & ACORN will soon be exposed by another hard-hitting expose, wherein James O’Keefe goes undercover as a malamute bitch in order to blow the lid off the ugly inner workings of the canine-terrorist-community-organizer syndicate once & for all.

  4. ifthethunderdontgetya 03.09.2011 at 23:52 #

    Ohio is going down the toilet, too, so at least you have company.
    ~

  5. Adorable Girlfriend 03.09.2011 at 23:59 #

    MO was f#cked the day they decided to pass Webster v. Planned Parenthood. It set legal precedent for being a state of colostomy bag good ole white boy misogynists.

  6. Dragon-King Wangchuck 03.10.2011 at 03:38 #

    Wait. You live on Tatooine?

  7. Another Kiwi 03.10.2011 at 03:44 #

    When the last excrement stained ignorant people hater leaves the government building, because the other excrement stained people haters are going to burn the fucking thing down, could they turn off the lights please. Fuck you very much

  8. Smut Clyde 03.10.2011 at 06:50 #

    Am I a bad person for singing the title of your post to the tune of a Snakefingersong?

  9. Fenwick 03.10.2011 at 07:51 #

    Back in the Cretaceous, I lived near enough to Missouri to be aware of its politics, (though scarely followed the politics closely). There IS something definitely out-of- whack in large chunks of the electorate. I mean seriously out of whack: Electing Kit Bond as governer twice? Then installing such a corrupt and hypocritical weasel as Senator-For-Life?

    I had hopes that Missouri would refudiate Saint John in 2008. It was one of three states I called incorrectly in the Presidential and Senatorial elections. (The other two were Indiana and Georgia.) But there is this consolation, T&U: Missouri can NEVER AGAIN use that bombastic We-Always-Vote-for-the-Winnah claim. That is solace enough for me.

    Always liked the Cards, though: Among the best and most knowledgeable fans in baseball. Every state has got *something* nifty to partially redeem it, no matter the politics. (Hell, Austin is the Capitol of Texas Blues. Arizona has got the Grandest Canyon on the planet. Missouri has the Cardinals.)

    I sorta wandered off topic, huh?

  10. zombie rotten mcdonald 03.10.2011 at 08:17 #

    When the last excrement stained ignorant people hater leaves the government building, because the other excrement stained people haters are going to burn the fucking thing down, could they turn off the lights please. Fuck you very much

    Wisconsin?

    Hey, STEP OFF of my shtick, Kiwi.

    Shithole asswipe turdwaffle fascist lying Republican santorum-stains.

  11. zombie rotten mcdonald 03.10.2011 at 08:20 #

    Ohio is going down the toilet, too, so at least you have company.

    Wisconsin is first down the pipe!! You guys will have to try to catch up in the swirl.

    Rude Pundit wonders if the point is to push people to violence, so the full-goose crazy fascist beatdowns can start.

    Perhaps I will be able to try out one of these newfangled tazings soon.

  12. Marion in Savannah 03.10.2011 at 13:37 #

    Jeez, it sounds like folks where you live are almost as dumb as down here. Can y’all take your guns into bars yet? The solons in Atlanta have voted to allow us to. YEE HAW! What could possibly go wrong?

  13. truculentandunreliable 03.10.2011 at 13:45 #

    Marion, AFAIK, it’s legal to carry into bars, but not to carry while intoxicated. You’re not allowed to carry into churches, schools, or government buildings, or any place that posts a sign that says that concealed weapons are not allowed.

  14. B^4 03.10.2011 at 13:50 #

    Heh, I just noticed that I tagged this post with “abortion.” I like to talk about abortion a lot.

    Well, considering that your governing bodies seem to be an abortion, this tag is appropos.

  15. bbkf 03.11.2011 at 15:14 #

    Sally might not get that inbred, parasite-riddled, traumatized cocker spaniel she’s always wanted. Missouri voters, why do you hate our freedoms? And Sally?

    i did not ask for that dog…i have enough dog hair in my house already…but yeah, why do missouri voters hate me?!?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Show Me Dumbassery « Acoustic! Kitty! - 04.01.2011

    […] Apr I think we’ve already established that I live in a shithole, […]

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