HALP!

25 Feb

I need suggestions on how to take pictures of a co-worker clandestinely for later defacement.

I’m asking for a friend.

No, really. How could you doubt me?!

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31 Responses to “HALP!”

  1. zombie rotten mcdonald 02.25.2011 at 18:19 #

    set your phone to take a movie, and just surreptitiously set it in likely locations. Then later, just pull the stills you want.

  2. Nora 02.25.2011 at 18:49 #

    Pretend you are just playing angry birds or something on your cellphone. Or fiddle with the camera like it isn’t working. Or have someone pose in front of her so she is in the frame. Not that I’d ever do this. Again. Or take pictures of your lunch every day and set it somewhere to optimize the lighting or something bogus and get her in the frame. Or put a plate of freshly baked goodies in the break room and pretend to photograph everyone who takes one. Only really take one of her, obviously.

  3. Spengler 02.25.2011 at 19:54 #

    Use a mirror. That way you’re facing the wrong direction. Who can complain? Also take some pictures of yourself in sporting attire.

  4. M. Bouffant 02.25.2011 at 21:01 #

    Spengler, what if the subject (And who could it be?) does not appear in mirrors?

  5. truculentandunreliable 02.25.2011 at 21:03 #

    That could explain the subject’s sartorial choices. Also why said subject wears so much fucking bronzer.

  6. B^4 02.25.2011 at 21:56 #

    Why dissemble? Just take the pictures, if she asks you why, tell her you wish to emulate her style. If she’s narcissistic, she’ll buy it.

  7. truculentandunreliable 02.25.2011 at 22:48 #

    B^4, that’s a great idea, but I’m not sure I could make myself tell her that. I’m not just being a snob here…you know how five-year-olds dress themselves when their parents let them wear whatever they want? That’s how she dresses. Toddler chic.

  8. Another Kiwi 02.25.2011 at 22:50 #

    I imagine Ms. Half-day would want to see the result she had posed for and buy you a frame for it as well.

  9. truculentandunreliable 02.25.2011 at 22:57 #

    AK–That reminds me! She rides horses…and she has all these pictures of herself riding horses in her cubicle. Is it just me, or is that totally weird?

  10. Larkspur 02.25.2011 at 23:29 #

    I think you should simply tell her that you have told all your little internet “friends” about her, and that we are begging for style tips ‘n’ tricks from her. Tell her she will be famous. Tell her you’ll scramble her face pixels if she insists.

  11. Adorable Girlfriend 02.25.2011 at 23:52 #

    Amazingly, I do not condone this idea. I will take the kitty, though.

  12. zombie rotten mcdonald 02.26.2011 at 00:16 #

    Toddler chic.

    Hey now.

    …wait, how the fuck did AG wind up over here? There goes the neighborhood!

  13. zombie rotten mcdonald 02.26.2011 at 00:17 #

    Tell her you’ll scramble her face pixels if she insists.

    and then, of course, don’t.

  14. Whale Chowder 02.26.2011 at 02:00 #

    Take pictures of her pictures of her. Then deface them however you wish. PS her riding the horsies backwards. Or flip her and the horse so it looks like the horse is riding her. Or make her appear in a pony-porno flick, if you know what I mean and I think you do.*

    *Not actually recommending any of these things.

    Honest.

  15. The Fenwickians 02.26.2011 at 05:57 #

    If I were to suggest ways to take clandestine photographs, I would be revealing sensitive surveillance methods and would be forced to kill you.

    But not the kitty. I love young critters. Now that I think about, I would be a lousy assassin.

  16. nedbeaumontjr 02.26.2011 at 08:31 #

    Ooooh…furry bait.

  17. Spengler 02.26.2011 at 11:07 #

    I’m not sure if it’s weird that she rides horses, but I bet it’s kind of weird for the horses.

  18. truculentandunreliable 02.26.2011 at 13:23 #

    …wait, how the fuck did AG wind up over here? There goes the neighborhood!

    I don’t know, but HIIIII!

    WC–You sick bastard.

    Ned–You should know. Look at that polar bear! Just look at it!

  19. Substance McGravitas 02.26.2011 at 14:57 #

    Take video of the whole office. Steal frames from the video.

  20. B^4 02.26.2011 at 17:16 #

    On reconsideration, I’m with Adorable Girlfriend on this one. Look, you can’t stand the girl, but she’s messed up in her own particular way. No need to undermine her like the catty kids undermined you in high school. You have to behave as a karate expert– ask yourself what Jimmy McMillan would do, if Jimmy McMillan weren’t an anti-semitic kook.

    That being said, maybe the tack to take with her is to subtly warp the dynamic between the two of you- pick up an outfit kinda like one she’d wear, come in one day with makeup like hers… by taking on the ridiculous role yourself, you can subvert your relationship without picking up bad “karma” (for lack of a better word).

  21. truculentandunreliable 02.26.2011 at 17:49 #

    B^4, honestly, I would never do it. It just amuses me to think about.

    I’m actually quite a softy and feel sorry for her when she’s not being a complete pain in my ass. She’ll do plenty of damage to herself on her own.

  22. Larkspur 02.26.2011 at 20:54 #

    Well, forget the photographs. Clearly you have to resort to cartooning. That would be the responsibly amusing thing to do. God, we are such liberals.

  23. truculentandunreliable 02.26.2011 at 21:16 #

    I can’t draw!

    No, seriously. Third-graders have better skillz than I do.

  24. Smut Clyde 02.27.2011 at 02:32 #

    Super-glue her nose to the photocopier. Then you can clandestinely make as many pictures as you need.

  25. zombie rotten mcdonald 02.27.2011 at 12:45 #

    On reconsideration, I’m with Adorable Girlfriend on this one

    I am, admittedly, a bigger asshole than AG. And BBBB also.

  26. Another Kiwi 02.27.2011 at 15:23 #

    For a friend, I would like to know how to surreptitiously glue someone’s nose to a photocopier. If people did that to their former boss who fired them in a cavalier manner, that would be funny, I guess

  27. truculentandunreliable 02.28.2011 at 09:37 #

    She talked about how she gained twenty pounds to the entire office AGAIN…let’s do this shit!

  28. B^4 03.01.2011 at 13:04 #

    Now, now, it takes guts to be gentle and kind.

  29. truculentandunreliable 03.01.2011 at 13:08 #

    Over and over and over and over and oveherherher…

  30. truculentandunreliable 03.01.2011 at 13:42 #

    Now she won’t stop talking about her mouth herp.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I am Going to Snap One of These Days « Acoustic! Kitty! - 03.15.2011

    […] Since we’ve already ruled out taking covert pictures for defacement of a particular individual, I’m wondering if it would be equally ethically shaky  to make an audio recording of said person’s voice. […]

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