Was it the unwashable stank of sanity? The magic underwear (like Jesus-eaters have room to talk)? The “open marriage”? Because seriously, South Carolina Republicans, I just cannot believe that you think that Newt Gingrich has the ability to “beat Obama,” as you mouth-breathing, sociopath-worshiping, dogwhistle-blowing fucks like to say.
Furthermore, I can’t believe that anybody, even conservatives, think that a guy who made shutting down the fucking government a thing* and was forced to resign as Speaker of the House in disgrace is a good choice for President.
Okay, I guess I can, but I really would rather not.
*My favorite (opposite day!) thing about Republicans is their strategy of electing people who make it their mission to ensure that the government doesn’t function. I’m not sure what these people think they’re going to do when the baby’s small enough to be drowned in the bathtub, but I’d imagine it has something to do with sucking on the teat of the kleptocrats who got them into office in the first place. Good luck with that, kiddos. Most of you are destined for the Thunderdome like the rest of us where being a bombastic prick whose only skill is to fuck shit up won’t get you very far.